Do you want your last words on public record to be an act of love or an act of war? A Will is the final word you'll ever speak to your children.

Legacy planning can feel so difficult when a family becomes fractured

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For decades I have been saying that Wills are more about love than money while most others in my profession have laughed at the notion. 'Wills are formal legal documents, what's love got to do with it Cheryl?' A lot actually, love has a lot to do with it.

As a Legacy Planner and will-writer for nearly 30 years, I've always been interested in the relationship between love, death and money - generational harmony being the goal. Unfortunately, this is not always possible.

Estrangement tends to be the most common reason that a parent will exclude their children and the decision is ultimately born from hurt not hate. Sometimes people just want to talk it through and be heard. Often, their stories are hard to listen to and the behaviour that brought about such a drastic decision is not something I take lightly or ignore. There are of course, two sides to every story and usually both parties are hurting or feeling misunderstood in some way. I always hope they manage to kiss and make up.

When I get a call from somebody who says they've decided to remove one of their children from their Will, I don't just say 'yes we'll get that done for you' - I make sure we have a proper conversation to make sure they understand the enormous impact it could have on their family relationships for generations to come. Only if my client is made fully aware of the emotional outcome as well as the practical one, do I proceed.

Did you know, it's actually quite difficult to disinherit one of your children? The chance of them raising a successful challenge is actually quite high, especially if they happen to seek advice from a contentious probate solicitor who will likely rub their hands with glee at the glorious fees they're about to charge.

I always suggest to my clients that they write a letter to go with their Will, explaining their reasons and to write it from the heart. Sometimes, just the act of writing the letter can bring about a change and in other instances, it cements the decision to exclude their child. The letter only sees the light of day if there is a challenge otherwise it could cause problems where there are none.

Love Wills aims for generational harmony for all our clients but it's not always that simple. Families dynamics can be complicated and I'm here to help you navigate your options.

Some concise points to note if you find yourself contemplating an exclusion:-

1. The Psychological and Emotional Toll

The mental impact of #disinheritance is often compared to a "double grief"—mourning the loss of a parent while processing a final rejection.

• The "Silent" Grief: Society lacks standard mourning rituals for this specific pain, leaving victims isolated.

• Identity Crisis: Being cut out makes adult children question their worth, their history, and their place in the family.

• Perpetual Unanswered Questions: When a parent passes away, the opportunity to ask "Why?" is gone forever, halting closure.

• The Stigma of Blame: Outsiders often assume the disinherited child "must have done something terrible" to deserve it.

2. The Rippling Effect on Family Dynamics

Disinheritance rarely affects just one person; it usually fractures the entire surviving family network.

• Sibling Warfare: It creates immediate resentment between the chosen heirs and the excluded children, ending relationships.

• Generational Impact: Grandchildren are often unintentionally cut out, punishing an innocent generation.

• Historical Rewriting: The disinherited child may look back at happy childhood memories and view them as a lie.

3. Financial Shock and Life Disruption

The material consequences can alter the trajectory of the child's life, especially if they were counting on support.

• Retirement or Debt Strain: Many people budget around an expected inheritance to pay off debts or fund retirement.

• The Cost of Care: Children who spent years caretaking for an aging parent feel deeply betrayed if left with nothing.

• The Legal Trap: Fighting a will is financially draining, sometimes forcing victims to risk their own life savings on lawyers.

  
  

If you've got a legacy situation you'd like to discuss, feel free to get in touch. I can help.

Love,

Cheryl x